This morning I woke up with a line reciting in my mind from a poem I wrote about 30 years ago:
"There's death all around me that I never would have known
And pain stands beside me, making joy a lesson to relearn"
While I know that my portion of having deaths in the family is perhaps average to low compared to many around the world, still it's been a season of sorrow these past two months: the loss of Bill, my brother-in-law; Ruth, my grand-mother-in-law (California); and Rachel, a "niece" (daughter of a family that is close as kin). Sorrow that's hit very close, but not directly at me: severing the closest loved ones. So I've played a supporting role in the grief around me: being the arms, the shoulders, the hands, the words, the gifts where there is an emptiness. Being the presence in the fog.
When I started this adventure, I had no idea the degree to which I was being called back home to be a pillar of support for my family and my extended family. I think there is still something sobering and humbling to ponder in it all. I am mindful now of the importance of the Tree of Life that stands in the midst of the new heaven and the new earth that brings healing to the nations. And I look to those leaves now to be the soothing balm in the hearts and lives of those around me that I love and to this world that is currently and continuously in distress and turmoil. I look to the hope set before us where every tear will be wiped away and sorrow and death shall be no more! I am mindful of it as a beacon shining to all to direct us all through the thick clouds of sorrow.
I don't know to what extent my poem captures the heart of what I am feeling at this time, nor what others who grieve around me are feeling. I know for sure that it's theology/philosophy may not jive with all world views, but it is spoken out of my world view. And I think there is something in it to for those who stand around complacent (including myself) in their humanity blissful of the delicacy and struggle of our existence on this earth. Something that may, just may, help us check our pride at the door and walk through our days open to restoration. I share this poem with you and ask you to take yourself back to sit before the first woman, the mother of us all, who seeks to speak to us today:
The Ballad of Eve (Mother of Humanity)
Running from The Garden
Knowing that you've fallen
Loathing everything you've done
And even who you are.
Not feelin' too forgiven
Not feelin' very loved
Just feelin' it's all ended
With ringing words:
"Who's guilty?"
And answers:
"You're the one"
......[sigh]....
It's sad and it's lonely
Not knowin' who you are
Not knowin' one another
Just strugglin' to get on
You see, I feel I have disowned the world
And everything it holds
I've slaughtered everything I love
with some ugly little words
And there's death all around me
That I never would have know
And pain stands beside me
Making joy a lesson to relearn
And how the anger builds within me
I am angry at my self
I'm angry at my closest friend
and I'm angry at the wealth
It's the wealth that I knew and I flourished in
That was gone by that evil spell
And now, against G-d's righteousness
That is freezing into hell
And anger builds to deep despair
And sorrow leads to death.....
Oh, what a cup of bitterness
That holds me to this earth ......
Then....
Suddenly....
In the darkness of my crying sobs
I hear something
Something tapping
It's a tapping from above!
But, you know, it's hard to turn to listen
For I know it's words of hope
A promise He had given
as he flung me down a rope
Yet,
My aching soul swings
And turns towards the Lord!
I clung on tight towards heaven
With nothing more left to do
Fearfully and trembling
I feel so very small
Yet running and leaping
I boldly to Him call
You see I feel that since He made me
He'd care about my lot
And show me in His wisdom
The one way for my out
And as I climb on upward
Back to Edens Den
It's been a long hard journey
But I've learned to trust in Him.
And oh, for all my children
I plead with you and call:
Turn back to the God of Eden
Turn back after you fall
Let sorrow turn to learning
That your life is hid in Him
And do not lose your yearning
When the road grows dark and dim
And do not be mistaken
When you hear your Brother call
He's the one who crushed the Snake
That binds us one and all
And now He's interceding on our Father's side
Like on the cross, he's pleading,
Father....Father.....
Forgive them....
Of their pride.
"There's death all around me that I never would have known
And pain stands beside me, making joy a lesson to relearn"
While I know that my portion of having deaths in the family is perhaps average to low compared to many around the world, still it's been a season of sorrow these past two months: the loss of Bill, my brother-in-law; Ruth, my grand-mother-in-law (California); and Rachel, a "niece" (daughter of a family that is close as kin). Sorrow that's hit very close, but not directly at me: severing the closest loved ones. So I've played a supporting role in the grief around me: being the arms, the shoulders, the hands, the words, the gifts where there is an emptiness. Being the presence in the fog.
When I started this adventure, I had no idea the degree to which I was being called back home to be a pillar of support for my family and my extended family. I think there is still something sobering and humbling to ponder in it all. I am mindful now of the importance of the Tree of Life that stands in the midst of the new heaven and the new earth that brings healing to the nations. And I look to those leaves now to be the soothing balm in the hearts and lives of those around me that I love and to this world that is currently and continuously in distress and turmoil. I look to the hope set before us where every tear will be wiped away and sorrow and death shall be no more! I am mindful of it as a beacon shining to all to direct us all through the thick clouds of sorrow.
I don't know to what extent my poem captures the heart of what I am feeling at this time, nor what others who grieve around me are feeling. I know for sure that it's theology/philosophy may not jive with all world views, but it is spoken out of my world view. And I think there is something in it to for those who stand around complacent (including myself) in their humanity blissful of the delicacy and struggle of our existence on this earth. Something that may, just may, help us check our pride at the door and walk through our days open to restoration. I share this poem with you and ask you to take yourself back to sit before the first woman, the mother of us all, who seeks to speak to us today:
The Ballad of Eve (Mother of Humanity)
Running from The Garden
Knowing that you've fallen
Loathing everything you've done
And even who you are.
Not feelin' too forgiven
Not feelin' very loved
Just feelin' it's all ended
With ringing words:
"Who's guilty?"
And answers:
"You're the one"
......[sigh]....
It's sad and it's lonely
Not knowin' who you are
Not knowin' one another
Just strugglin' to get on
You see, I feel I have disowned the world
And everything it holds
I've slaughtered everything I love
with some ugly little words
And there's death all around me
That I never would have know
And pain stands beside me
Making joy a lesson to relearn
And how the anger builds within me
I am angry at my self
I'm angry at my closest friend
and I'm angry at the wealth
It's the wealth that I knew and I flourished in
That was gone by that evil spell
And now, against G-d's righteousness
That is freezing into hell
And anger builds to deep despair
And sorrow leads to death.....
Oh, what a cup of bitterness
That holds me to this earth ......
Then....
Suddenly....
In the darkness of my crying sobs
I hear something
Something tapping
It's a tapping from above!
But, you know, it's hard to turn to listen
For I know it's words of hope
A promise He had given
as he flung me down a rope
Yet,
My aching soul swings
And turns towards the Lord!
I clung on tight towards heaven
With nothing more left to do
Fearfully and trembling
I feel so very small
Yet running and leaping
I boldly to Him call
You see I feel that since He made me
He'd care about my lot
And show me in His wisdom
The one way for my out
And as I climb on upward
Back to Edens Den
It's been a long hard journey
But I've learned to trust in Him.
And oh, for all my children
I plead with you and call:
Turn back to the God of Eden
Turn back after you fall
Let sorrow turn to learning
That your life is hid in Him
And do not lose your yearning
When the road grows dark and dim
And do not be mistaken
When you hear your Brother call
He's the one who crushed the Snake
That binds us one and all
And now He's interceding on our Father's side
Like on the cross, he's pleading,
Father....Father.....
Forgive them....
Of their pride.
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